★ I hope that people who are not good at socializing can gain strength and relieve their distress from the text below.
In social interactions, there are beggars and givers. Most people do both, begging at times and giving at other times.
Begging is proactive, as the beggar gets what they want from the giver. However, while they are taking, they are also giving. They give the giver the opportunity to give, which brings them joy and satisfaction.
Giving is passive. The giver appears to be giving, but they also receive something in return. The giver finds happiness and fulfillment in meeting the needs and desires of the beggar.
The giver's happiness is dependent on the beggar. Without the beggar begging from them, their desires and love have nowhere to go, and their worth cannot be demonstrated. At this point, they often transform into a beggar themselves.
Begging is both taking and giving; giving is both giving and receiving. There is no essential difference between the two.
In social interactions, whether it is begging or giving, the essence is to find happiness and fulfillment from external relationships. When you rely on the external world, you become a slave to the environment, and your inner freedom is eroded. This plants the seeds of suffering in your life.
This is not to say that we should avoid socializing. Rather, it means not to place too much importance on social interactions. Socializing is a form of interpersonal relationships, and happiness built on interpersonal relationships is fragile. Einstein said that true happiness should be built within oneself, on foundations that are not easily shaken. This way, even if you encounter major changes in social or interpersonal relationships, it will not greatly affect your happiness.
So, how can happiness be built within oneself? And what does it mean to build it on external foundations? In my understanding, let's take an example: a writer who finds joy primarily in their creative work, or a scientist who finds solace in their research. This is building happiness within oneself. On the other hand, if you consider a romantic relationship or marriage as the most important aspect of your life, then you are building happiness on external foundations.
As a side note, the happiness of most Chinese people is built on money and blood relationships. Although this is the most stable among all external things and relationships, it still has its limitations, which is the "external" aspect. Therefore, in my opinion, even if they can attain this kind of happiness, it is still a humble happiness.
Although I understand these principles and have tried to convince myself, I still find it difficult to put them into practice.